Surrender is Hard

Okay, I've gotta be completely honest with you. I am a sinful, sinful creature and I know it. I try hard to do the right thing and resist temptation, but I find my self failing most of the time.

This past weekend at Woodlands Camp (one of my favorite places in the world) we did an extensive study on Proverbs 3:5-6. We talked about what it really means to trust God and what it looks like to surrender everything to Him so that He will have control over your life. Let me tell you, it is not easy. Giving your life to someone that you've never seen can't be easy. One of my leaders used this analogy: it is easy to give up your phone or something to your parents because you can see them and you know that you'll probably eventually get it back, but when you surrender something to God, you can't physically hand over something to someone that you can see and you probably won't get it back. That is difficult for my heart to accept. I struggle daily with surrender to God and His plan for my life. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me, especially when I am trying to surrender my future and my thoughts. 

I try everyday to remind myself that it is all about "God's plan, not mine". I follow this pretty well until it comes to choosing a college or thinking about my future career. I find it harder and harder to trust God with this as the time draws nearer and nearer for me to choose. 

God deserves our complete devotion though! He deserves for us to love Him and worship Him with all that we do. I can only do this as long as I am following His plan for my life. One of my leaders told me a while ago that as long as we follow God's will for our life, He will start to reveal His specific plan for our lives. I believe this to be true. So, no matter what happens, I will strive to DAILY surrender my future, my plan, my thoughts, and my EVERYTHING to God!!!

~ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.~

I OWE HIM EVERYTHING

 It is something I know, but I often forget! He gave practically everything for me! How can I repay this?!?! The simple answer is that I cannot, but I can try.
I think we forget that as Christians. We thank God and accept that we can never repay Him. Then, we move on, but that is not how we should respond to the amazing grace that God decided to grant us. We should spend our entire lives trying to repay Him, not that it is a gift that needs to be repaid, but that gift should lead is to a spirit of thankfulness and worship that leads us to tell others about Him. It should lead us to live everyday doing whatever we little humans can do to serve an infinitely wonderful and great God.
That's not to say that God will tell us we're not enough, but when we truly have the Holy Spirit living within us, it should push us to do ALL we can possibly do to God's glory and to further His Kingdom.
So many times, I have told myself that I don't do enough, but then again half of the people on this planet don't. If we did, if we lived in abandon for God, if we had this inexplicable fire inside of us, Christians would turn this country, possibly even the world upside down! I truly believe we would.
I don't know where your heart is. I can't, only God can. I will tell you, though, that as for me, I am going to do my part to turn the world upside down in the name of my Almighty God!!! I can just pray that God will lead you to join me!

What is going on and why is it so hard?

A lot has happened since I last did a blog post, and I'm still not exactly sure what I'm doing right now. I just know that this is a way for me to form my ideas into actual, wordable (I know it's not a word) thoughts.
My life right now is kind of chaotic. I'm now officially in my Senior year of high school, I have two new jobs, a crazy schedule that keeps changing, and I also have do NOT exactly know what I want to do with my life or which college I want to go to or really anything relating to my future! This, for me, is probably one of the scariest things that could happen. I am a planner and planners want to know what is happening WAY before hand. Now, this isn't to say that I won't do some things spontaneously, but when it comes to deciding what to do with the rest of my life, I want to know THAT! 
I have learned something though. I HAVE to trust God in order to be what he wants me to be! I have also learned that He has plans for me way beyond my wildest dreams. I have learned that God probably will not show me what is going to happen in the future, because He is teaching me to trust Him. 
All this I have learned, but I still struggle with it daily. I worry. I wonder. I wander. I try to plan over God's plan that He has not yet revealed to me. I try to create this world for myself if I choose certain things over others. I CANNOT out plan God though. He can see infinitely more than I can and He can create an infinitely better future for me than I can. 
My question now: Why do I even worry in the first place? My soul is secure in God! No matter what happens to me, I know where my soul is going to end up. Now, this doesn't mean I can just sit around and do nothing. That is considered sin, but this means that I should let God lead me into the unknown with no fear and no hesitation knowing that He has every second of my life in His hands and nothing will happen to me against His will.  Jesus tells us explicitly in Matthew 6:25-34. Verses 33 and 34 have been my comfort in these past few months, trying to decide where God is leading me and learning to trust Him in everything! 
I don't know if any of you have had to surrender everything to God, then had to trust Him when you cannot see anything in front of you at all, but it is NOT easy. Maybe, I'll come to things in my life that are even harder to trust God with, but right now, this feels really hard. 
I have comfort though. I have an inexplicable, overwhelming peace in my life! I know that this can only be through God. I cannot explain the calmness in the middle of the storm, but I know it's only because of God's presence. So, even though I am going through my last year of highschool needing GREAT grades, even though I am trying to balance my two new jobs and my constantly changing schedule, I know that GOD'S GOT THIS!!! 

"But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." ~ Matthew 6:33-34 ~

Really God?

This past week I was on a missions trip in Washington DC. Sure, I could talk about my experiences with the less fortunate, but I'd rather talk about what I learned and how clearly I heard God for the first time.
Thursday night was our last night there. It was emotional and hard. Then, we read the passage about Jesus washing the disciples feet. After that, the YW staff told us the break into church groups. First, they washed the leaders' feet. Then, the leaders washed our feet. It was difficult and I had experienced this before. The last time, though, I thought that the leaders shouldn't be doing it for me, but it was different this time. God clearly spoke and told me that I needed to do the same thing. I needed to serve just as He served. Now, don't get me wrong, I served all week, but this was a different kind of service. God wanted me to serve my family.
See I need a huge lesson in humility because my pride has stood in between me and God for too long. I know that that has to stop and God knew that that would only happen as long as I had to humble myself in front of the people of the people I'm most prideful with.
Service is huge and it starts at home. I have to make sure my heart is in the right place at home before  I go out and try to serve others!

P.S. Thank you to everyone who was on the DC trip. You all are amazing and I love every single one of you.

That One Thing That Makes My Life Wonderful And Terrible

For all of you who have been following my blogs, I am telling you that this one is going to be very different from my other ones. I just feel like I need to get this out there, but I don't necessarily want to be direct about it.
Well, you're probably wondering what on earth could make my life so terrible and wonderful at the same exact time. That one thing is guys! Now you're probably thinking, "What? I thought she didn't think about guys that way and she's just friends with guys." You would be correct, but these are NOT just any guys. The guys I'm specifically talking about are the guys at my school. Those of you who know them are probably REALLY confused at this point, but I will tell you, I know some other girls at the school who pretty much agree with me.
The guys at my school are a rare breed. Sure, they can be like other guys. They can be braggish, they can make inappropriate jokes, and they can be everything else other guys are. For the most part, though, they are some of the BEST guys in the world. I cannot help but give them the highest praise I can. Most of the time (at least when we females are around), they are gentlemanly, chivalrous, nice, sweet, deep, and just GREAT guys. They are all these things and funny. No, they are ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! They NEVER fail to make me laugh and smile. These guys make my days at school exciting and unpredictable. They make my days go better. They are part of the sunshine in my sometimes dull and stormy life and I love them.
So, you're probably wondering why these guys make my life terrible too. It's because they are practically undateable! Now, don't get me wrong. I do not necessarily want to date these guys, at least not right now, but it would be nice to know, at least, that one of these pretty amazing guys thought I was pretty great. It wouldn't even have to be in a romantic way. Just to know that they thought the same things about me would be pretty awesome. I mean, they are good, most of them are Godly, and they really are several levels above the other guys in this world. Just to know that these guys thought the same things about me would be awesome.
What do I mean by several levels above most other guys in this world? I would never have to worry about these guys trying anything or pushing me if I said no. Honestly, most of the guys would probably opt for more of a courting relationship. (By that I mean hanging out with friends and family and not going out to movies or dinner alone all that often.) They would probably make some of the best boyfriends ever.
These guys are just some of my favorite guys in the world! These reflections were inspired by an afternoon with a few of them while I was thinking back on the day as we were heading back to town and just for your entertainment, here is exactly what I wrote down at the time: "I am truly lucky and my life sucks at the same time because of the same thing: the guys at my school. They are the best guys on the planet!!! They just don't know it and they probably wouldn't use it to their advantage even if they did know. It's just the type of guys they are They are truly INCREDIBLE! Why am I lucky? Well, I  already answered that. Why does my life suck because of this? They're like my brothers (some of them more awkward than others)!!! I can't go out with any of them. It'd probably even be super weird if I just liked one of them. I love them. I truly do, just not romantically. I pray one day they all discover how incredibly amazing they are compared to other guys out there, but until they do, I will continue to know (not secretly anymore) all girls who date/marry them are the luckiest girls on the planet and (probably) do NOT deserve those guys!"
Sorry that this post was so different from my others, but I really thought I should just out this out there, and if any of you guys are reading this, don't let it go to your head. At least you know what I think of you now, though. I hope you guys will actually live up to this the rest of your life and that you will never loose your sweetness and funniness!

...... oh, and thank You, God

Have you ever noticed that sometimes, in your life, especially on one of those good days, that it is so easy for God to become an afterthought? I just experienced this a little bit ago. When I got on facebook and was about to post something to my wall, I was like oh yeah, thanks God for the wonderful day. I was truly grateful and I knew that He had made it a beautiful day, but my mind doesn't always go directly to God.
It should though! God is the one who makes days great. He's the one who makes days bad. He blesses me and takes away from me, and no matter what He chooses to do, my mind should always be on God. It should always be listening for His voice, discerning HIS will for my life.
GOD SHOULD NOT BE AN AFTERTHOUGHT! He is almighty God, King of the universe, your creator, my creator, and the one who has control over all things! Every minute of everyday, I should be sitting in awe and wonder of His grace, majesty, and love, not giving Him a few thank yous and pleases throughout my day. It just doesn't seem to fit when you think about ALL that God is.
He is my King, my Lord, my Provider, my Savior, my More-than-enough, my Jehovah-Jireh, my all-in-all, my Friend, my Father, my Peace, my Joy, my Love, my Fullness, my Deliverer, my Completeness, and my EVERYTHING! God is everything to me. If I lost all I had today, I would still have ALL I needed cause I'd still have God. God should be my everything, every second of my life.
God CANNOT be someone I thank when my life is going good, if I remember to, and someone I plead with when my life is going bad. He should be the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about when I fall asleep, and the one thing I constantly think about in all the moments in between. I should be so overwhelmed with thoughts about God that the Devil can't even creep into my mind. It should make it impossible for me to sin and if I do, I immediately feel absolute remorse for it.
It is so hard to have God on your mind constantly though. I know. It's hard to keep our minds on one thing with all the distractions around us each and every day. There are so many other things that try to steal our attention, but God is fighting for that attention too. God shouldn't have to fight for your attention. It should be our instinct to always give God our attention first, then move on to the other things.
One song that I love listening to asks God to make them broken, empty, and lonely until He is their "One Desire", "One True Love", "Breath", and "Everything" and it also asks Him to keep making them. That is what I want. I want God to be all and for Him to keep making me. I know God's power can do anything, so I pray earnestly that He will be the first thing my mind ALWAYS goes to no matter what!

Easter is happy time...... the reason we celebrate it is not

Tonight my youth pastor was speaking for the second time of a three week series about how the resurrection changes everything. Tonight he decided to focus on the crucifixion though. He took a different angle than anyone would've thought, but it spurred some great thoughts in my mind. One thought I had was this: "The ABSOLUTE joy of the resurrection was intensified by the ABSOLUTE suffering of the crucifixion."
This thought held me suspended in thought for a few moments. If we thought about all the suffering of the cross and tried to imagine how it would feel to be broken and so COMPLETELY forsaken the way Jesus was, if we imagined the pain, sorrow, and feeling of completely lostness (yes I know that's not a word) that His followers experienced that DARK day, Easter would be an all out celebration!!!!!! I'm not talking about the candy, easter bunny, or even egg hunts that we have today. No, I am talking about an all out, amazing, and loud worship session for God that celebrated His victory over death and over hell.
The Bible tells us that Jesus  now holds the keys to death. It makes me think of the song that says, "Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory? Oh church, come stand in the light. The glory of God has DEFEATED the night. Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory? Oh church, come stand in the light. Our God is NOT dead. He's alive. HE'S ALIVE!!!!!" God cannot even be overcome by the grave.
Wow! What a hope that should give Christians. If God can DEFEAT death, how much more can He help you defeat and overcome and fix stuff in your life? God wants to help you conquer everything in your life. He loves you and He wants what's best for you and He has a great life planned for you!
I may not be a fan of happy endings because I'm tired of them, but this is one happy ending that will never get old and that will always bring tears to my eyes, because I know it is what brought me back to life again. This is a happy ending that I certainly did NOT deserve and yet God has chosen to give me the free gift of life in His son. I could not conquer anything without Him, and yet He has given me the power to DEFEAT the grave and Satan forever.
Do NOT forget the suffering that Jesus had to go through before the resurrection. This Easter, before you go on an easter egg hunt or before you start digging into your candy, take a moment to realize what God went through to make it such a joy-filled day of celebration!