Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." But most of the time, we take this verse out of context of who we know God to be. And often we act in a fake manner, thinking we can fool the God who sees our hearts. We take this verse to mean that if we spend some time with God daily and we at least LOOK like we're doing the work of God, then we will get exactly what we want, like that huge pay raise or that new car or even a significant other. We think that God can't see our real motives behind what we do, but God sees everything.
One thing I found when I began delighting myself in the Lord for the sheer purpose of delighting in Him was that HE WAS the desire of my heart all along. We have a God- sized hole in our hearts, every single one of us, and only the one true God of the universe can fill it. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially when I look at how fickle the flesh-filled desires of my heart truly are. I change my mind about what I want all the time, and the desires that are manifested in my heart are no different. I'm learning that once we truly, fervently seek the Lord and are filled with delight when we are at His feet, then He BECOMES the one true desire of our hearts. After we get the chance to bask in His glory and enter into intimate relationship with Him, we have a longing to pursue Him. It's no longer a chore or an inconvenience to read His word, pray, and listen. Those are times of joy and peace for us. They become a source of life and comfort in our otherwise chaotic lives.
I have discovered that when a desire for God and His best floods your heart, little else matters. Yes, there are desires that take a long time to go away and scars that take a long time to heal. But, the glory of God seems to outshine and overpower these other things, tenfold. For a long time now, I have struggled with God about His plans for my future, mostly because I cannot see where He is leading me. I feel like I'm being led around while blind-folded, all the while trying to convince myself that it is all okay because God is the one leading me. He has led me, in the past couple of weeks to: 1) Say no to dating for as long as He says. 2) Open up my heart completely about habitual sins to a few women who I am in contact with everyday. 3) Give into surrendering everything to Him each and every day. 4) Learn to trust His following no matter where He leads me. And finally, 5) Get so lost in Him that nothing else really matters to me, except what HE wants me to focus on.
I will be the first person to tell you that I am extremely grateful for God calling my heart to these things, but that is a lot, and that first one is the one that Satan keeps bringing up in hopes of ruining my resolve to follow God in whatever He calls me to. Satan asks me the same type of question he asked Eve. He asks me, "Was is really God that asked you to give up dating or did you just THINK that that was what God said?" My mind tells me that I should consider the question and ponder it, but the one way I know that it was God is that it was NOT what I wanted to hear. Oh man, that was the one thing I did NOT want to give to God. It's not like I'm dating anyone, but I didn't want to give up the longing of a relationship to God. That was always something I kept near and dear to my heart, and that is exactly why I had to give it up.
My desire for a relationship, since September, had left little room in my heart for a desire for God. I felt spiritually dry and exhausted... because I didn't have enough Jesus in my life, and I had way too much boys. Don't get me wrong. Dating is not bad. It just isn't in God's plan for me right now. God wants me to find the answer to all my questions and the fulfillment of all my desires in Him before I start dating someone else. I have to be secure in my relationship with God before I will ever be secure in an earthly relationship.
That is why I am learning that God was the desire of my heart all along. He is the only one who can fulfill all my desires and He is the only one who completely satisfies me. So, next time you read Psalm 37:4, look at it a little different. Truly delight yourself in God and see if maybe the desire of YOUR heart was Him all along too.
I want to leave you with these lyrics that have helped me to see that God is at work, especially in this season of singleness for me: "So, Father I will place this in Your hands. You know me and all my crazy plans. Humbly I surrender this to You, so I'll keep dreaming. You'll keep coming through. I know You see what I don't see." - Jamie Grace
