The Weight of Waiting

If you follow my blog posts at all, you will probably recall that the last one was about the blessings that God has bestowed on me, but recently, I seem to be stuck in a time of waiting again. Don't get me wrong. I am beyond thankful for all the Lord has given and what He continues to bless me with day in and day out, like breath in my lungs and mercy for my mistakes. But, I find myself in the painful waiting for what will come next. I have an idea of what I want that to be, too, but I know that God's plans are often vastly different from my own. To be frank, that fact scares me... a lot. I have a pretty good idea of what MY perfect life would look like, but somehow I get the feeling that "the perfect life" is not what God has planned for me. 
It is sometimes very painful to wait, but I think that is because of our sin nature. Pride and the satisfaction-driven society we live in leave no room for patience, not even with an all-knowing God who has our best interest at heart. We forget that God is not bound by time. Rather, He is bound by His love for us and bound by His own character. He does not function the way we do, yet He understands the pain we feel when we are made to wait. He sees the pain yet keeps us in waiting. The only two possible ways to view this are that God is either unloving or He knows that the wait will ultimately be what is best for us. I choose to believe the latter, because I have no hope otherwise. I also choose to believe it because I have seen what God does through waiting, what He prepares people for through waiting, and what He changes in people through waiting, whether it be desires, focus, or character. And, it is always so much better on the other side. Many times, while waiting for things to come into my life or events to take place, God has changed all three things in me. He increases my desire for Him and decreases my desire for the thing I am waiting on. He shows me that when my focus is on Him, I don't feel the sting of the waiting so much, because I would rather be chasing after my beautiful God than anything else. And He has changed my character by teaching me humility and patience. Those two things do not come naturally to me, so God has chosen to teach them to me through waiting, and I am still continuing to learn the lesson even now. 
There is another thing I have acquired through my times of waiting and that is a deeper understanding of and love for God Himself. God chooses to reveal Himself in some incredible ways at times. He has shown me His great compassion, patience, and faithfulness through my seasons of waiting. He comforts me, because even though He is God, He still sees the hurt and pain of one of His children when I don't understand what He is doing. He gives me a heart that understands that waiting is best when He is the one who is causing the wait. And, even when I turn my back on Him because I am tired of waiting, He remains faithful in His promises to me. He sticks with me through it all and still delights to bless me with the desires of my heart in His time.
One of my favorite songs is Take Courage by Kristene Dimarco. The chorus goes like this: "Take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He's in the waiting. He's in the waiting. Hold on to your hope as your triumph unfolds. He's never failing. He's never failing." God is found in our time of waiting. He is the one behind it, and even when we cannot see, He sees and comprehends all. He understands that we feel pain, that our hearts yearn for more, but He also understands that our hearts will always continue to yearn for more until we allow Him to completely satisfy us and fill us with HIS love. No earthly affection, despite the amount, will ever be able to fill the God sized hole we all have in our hearts. 
So, yes, my seasons of waiting hurt. My heart longs, but I am slowly allowing God to change that. I think, as long as I am here on earth, I will continue to feel the ache when I am made to wait. But I believe that each time, I will come out of my seasons of waiting understanding God better and changed to look more like Him. While I would love to ask God to put an end to my season of waiting and give me what I long for, I am instead going to ask Him to fill my heart with Himself and be content with where He has me at the moment. I will trust in Him and I choose to believe that "[He] who holds the stars, who calls them each by name will surely keep [His] promise to me."

Wait for the Lord; 

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!

{Psalm 27:14}